


You, you, you are what I want

by Anonymous



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Insecure Charles Xavier, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, Some Fluff, Trans Charles Xavier, Vaginal Sex, X-Men: First Class (2011)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:21:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26625085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Erik was so sure Charles was interested in him as well that whenever the telepath backed away from him it felt extremely confusing."
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 15
Kudos: 77
Collections: X-Men Kink Meme 2020





	You, you, you are what I want

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [XMen_Kink_Meme_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/XMen_Kink_Meme_2020) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Erik is new to this whole not "being the only mutant I know besides the person who made my life hell" thing, but his feelings for Charles are something that he knows isn't because he's confused. He likes men, it's been something he's known since adolescence.
> 
> Charles is attracted to him, too, and is rather obvious about that fact, but then things go beyond a teasing flirt -- Charles shuts down.
> 
> Why?
> 
> (prompt is by a trans man)

Erik was  _ so sure _ Charles was interested in him as well that whenever the telepath backed away from him it felt extremely confusing.

He didn't have Charles' powers, but he knew how to read people and he was sure that he saw in Charles every sign of the other man liking him back, wanting Erik the way Erik wanted him. However, when Erik made a move, Charles seemed to shut down, and Erik saw more than once how Charles' body changed from relaxed to completely tense, on guard, as if Erik was dangerous. He started to doubt his own judgement when that happened, and everything seemed even more confusing when Charles — only moments later — went back to normal with him.

Erik thought that maybe the road trip through the country to recruit mutants would change that; they'd be alone, probably sleeping in the same room for the most of it, and maybe  _ then _ Charles wouldn't back down when he tried to get closer.

  
  


Of course, he was wrong. If anything, Charles seemed even more nervous about Erik's company some days, especially when they had to share a room. Erik had tried countless times to hint that he and Charles should sleep together, having Charles at such a close proximity to him and being more casual was intoxicating, but Charles kept feigning ignorance at Erik's hints. As much as he wished to be blunt and just straight up tell Charles what he wanted — which he suspected that Charles knew already, considering he was a telepath —, he also wanted to keep the friendship. Even so, it was frustrating to see how Charles sometimes would push him away.

At night, tired and frustrated after being denied by one of the mutants they found, Erik was laying on his bed, watching Charles moving around the room to find a bag he had brought with him and couldn't find for the life of him — Erik had remarked countless times how Charles was careless with his possessions, losing them at almost every hotel they stopped on. Erik didn't know what was in the black toiletry bag that Charles carried around, but he had seen the telepath running around the room multiple times in search of it to know it was somehow important.

"Is there anything metal inside of it?" Erik asked after a few more minutes of Charles rummaging around, making the other man finally turn to him. "I could try and sense it."

When Charles went pale at the suggestion, Erik frowned. The telepath quickly shook his head, waving his hands around and being dismissive about Erik's words, turning around to keep on with his search, but Erik couldn't help noticing the slight shake that overtook his whole body at that. He didn't press for a reason why he looked so terrified about Erik finding the bag, but he wanted to.

It took a few minutes, but Charles finally found the damned thing and quickly locked himself in the bathroom to take a shower without giving Erik a second look. 

Another night, weeks later and in another hotel where they had to share a room, Erik made the mistake of entering the bathroom without knocking. He was tired and tipsy after having drinks with Charles in a bar nearby and wasn't able to remember that Charles had gone in before him, earning him a scream from Charles as he covered himself with the shower curtain. Erik, completely stunned by the scream, only stopped and stared as Charles stared back with wide eyes and kept his body hidden from him. Erik's interest flared up immediately at the knowledge that Charles was naked and so close, but he didn't have the chance to say anything about it.

_ "Get out!" _ the telepath screamed suddenly, his voice echoing in Erik's head with a command he couldn't disobey, turning around to walk out of the bathroom and close the door behind himself. "Get the  _ fuck _ out!"

Charles stayed inside the bathroom longer than normal that night, hiding. He still seemed completely on guard when he went out, now completely dressed after his shower, and Erik tried his best to apologise. Charles dismissed him quickly, saying that he overreacted and that it was alright. 

Erik knew it wasn't, not when Charles denied his request for a chess match that night and went to sleep with his back turned to Erik's bed without talking. Even so, he didn't press, but he was starting to think that Charles didn't want him at all after that, that maybe he was reading the situation wrong.

The next morning, however, Charles was all easy smiles and flirtatious looks once again, as if nothing had happened, and Erik was starting to wonder what kind of game Charles was playing.

On the last day of their trip through the country, Charles had left to take a walk and left Erik alone in their room. He decided to be useful, getting his bag ready for when they left the next morning, and ended up finding the black toiletry bag under the table where Charles probably had lost it again. He shook his head at the man's carelessness and took the bag to place it on top of Charles' bed so he would see it when he got back.

He stopped on his tracks when he felt what was inside, staring at the bag with curiosity at the feeling of the many needles packed there. He didn't open it, he only laid it over the mattress of Charles' bed and went to do something else. Even so, his senses couldn't help noticing the needles now, a constant presence, and he wondered why Charles needed those. 

When Charles came back, he saw the bag on top of the bed and his face quickly turned darker as he grabbed it and pressed it closer to his chest, body tense as he spared a side glance towards Erik that he noticed immediately. As much as Erik wanted to ask, he didn't.

That night, Erik felt one of the needles go into Charles' skin when the man locked himself in the bathroom.

  
  


Back at the CIA headquarters, things went back to normal. Even so, Erik still could see Charles backing off from him whenever Erik suggested something more than just playful flirting or the friendship they had built, and it was becoming frustrating to see Charles go from completely into him to pushing him away over and over again. He managed to get closer to the man once, Charles' pupils completely dilated and lips parted with lust as he looked up at Erik and felt their bodies pressed together, until Charles escaped his arms and left with a lame excuse of being tired.

It was tiring, but Erik wasn't one for giving up on the things he wanted even when they seemed almost impossible to achieve. 

  
  


Things slowed down, however, when they went to Russia in search of Shaw. There wasn't time for Erik to pay attention to Charles then, not when he was so close to getting to the man he had been hunting for the best part of his life, but apparently it was time enough for Charles to pay attention to him. As much as his focus was elsewhere, he noticed how Charles got closer to him there, fully supporting Erik while he kept ignoring everything else in order to focus on how he would get to Shaw and how he would kill him once he did

_ "Eat something, Erik." _

_ "Drink some water, Erik." _

_ "Erik you have to relax, your body is too tense, it's not healthy." _

Charles kept looking after him during the time they spent there, offering Erik something to eat or water to drink with a look in his eyes that made it impossible for Erik to say no. Charles was usually right when he said those things, Erik only realizing how hungry or thirsty he was when he ate the food and drank the water Charles was offering him. More than once, Charles kept him company so Erik wasn't left alone with his thoughts, and that kept Erik well enough to not have a breakdown at the idea he was close to Shaw again.

When he didn't get to Shaw, when all he found was Emma Frost there and understood that he wouldn't be able to get his revenge yet, Erik felt lost. When he looked at Charles after the telepath put a hand on his arm in a sign of comfort, Erik couldn't help but feeling like everything he wanted kept slipping away from him, always in reach and yet distant at the same time. 

Moira allowed them a moment to rest before they had to travel back to the USA, to get back to the CIA headquarters again, and once more Charles started taking care of him, giving him water and food while Erik ate and drank without really wanting it. He knew he would have another chance to get to Shaw, but he was  _ so sure _ that this was the moment he would be able to do it that it felt strange that it wasn't. It was the second time that Shaw had slipped through his fingers.

At some point, Charles stood in front of Erik with a worried look in his eyes. Erik only looked up at him as well before pulling Charles' body close, wrapping his arms around the other man and resting his head over Charles' stomach, sighing at the contact, pleased with the warmth of Charles' body that he could feel even over the clothes he wore. Charles smelled like the cold air of Russia, of grass, and of home — which for Erik was strange, because he didn't remember what home smelled like until that moment.

He noticed Charles hesitating, hands raising for a moment as if he was about to push Erik away, and Erik dreaded that happening. But it didn't, and soon Charles' hands covered by the fingerless gloves were over Erik's head, fingers running through Erik's hair in a calming way, making Erik relax even more at the touch.

"Maybe it was better that he wasn't here." Charles said quietly, trying to make Erik feel better, voice oh so soft. "You could've ended almost dying like that night in Florida. You went there without help, Erik…"

"You came for me. I wasn't alone."

"No…" Charles' hands pulled Erik's face closer at that, holding him tightly, and Erik felt himself getting calmer with that. "No you weren't. But, please… Don't go without me. Stay by my side, my friend."

Erik nodded at that without thinking, forehead against Charles' stomach still before he moved to look up at the telepath, Charles' hands still on his head with a gentle hold. And there it was again, that look of want in Charles' eyes that made Erik want Charles even more. He didn't wait before getting up from where he was sitting and pulling Charles into a kiss. The feeling of Charles' lips against his made his mind flare up for a moment with excitement, especially when Charles kissed back.

He thought that maybe that was it, that this was the moment when Charles wouldn't push away, and that maybe once they were somewhere private and preferably with a bed, he would finally get Charles for himself; maybe that was the time where Charles wouldn't look at him as if Erik was dangerous — because he could take those looks from other people, but not from Charles;  _ never _ from Charles. Unfortunately, Erik was once again wrong, as Charles pulled back hastily and gave a few steps back to move away from Erik, both of them breathing heavily and staring at each other. There was want in Charles' eyes still, and Erik's heart sang with that, but there was dread in those blue eyes as well. What was Charles afraid of?

"We should get ready to leave. Moira is waiting for us."

"You keep walking away." Erik said before he could stop himself, face hardening as he saw Charles looking away and pursing his lips. "You want me, but you pull me away at the same time. Why?"

"We need to go-"

"You want me." Erik said, matter-of-factly, taking one careful step towards Charles at that. "I know you do. Then why do you keep denying yourself this?"

Charles didn't answer for a while, still not meeting Erik's eyes as he took a few deep breaths.

"You don't know me, Erik." Charles' voice was just as quiet as before, but less soft this time. More pained, as if those words hurt to say. "I'm not… I'm not what you want."

"You'd be wrong about that."

"Oh, I'm not." Charles looked at him again then, a mocking smile on his lips, as if the situation was funny to him. "I don't want to let myself go only to see you hate me when you find out who I am."

Erik didn't say anything, staring at Charles with confusion in his eyes as the other man shook his head and huffed, the smile never leaving his lips.

"We should go."

Erik wasn't able to press Charles on the subject, the telepath walking away without any answers, and leaving Erik only with frustration and the memory of Charles' lips in his mind.

  
  


It was only when they got to Charles' childhood home that Erik managed to put the puzzle pieces together. 

He had walked through the whole mansion one night, straying away from everyone so he could be alone and see the massive house for himself — including the rooms that were locked. Charles had said it was his home now as well, so it shouldn't be a problem. Besides, maybe Charles could figure out a bit more about the great Charles Xavier by seeing his old home.

In general, it was too big and cold, too many rooms for so few people, and Erik knew that it probably felt like that when Charles and Raven were children as well. Some of the rooms smelled like they hadn't been used in years, making Erik's nose itch. He started opening windows around the house to let the fresh night's air in. It was only when he unlocked the door of  _ another _ living room — this one more private than the others — that he really started to feel interested. There were pictures around that one, hanging on the wall or resting against dust covered shelves, and Erik ignored the itching of his nose to look at them, frowning as he noticed a few of the older pictures in there.

There was a family in the portraits, which Erik knew was Charles' family thanks to one picture of his mother and stepfather that hanged in one of the living rooms that they normally used — Charles had taken the picture down when they arrived, but Erik was able to take a good look at it before it was gone. Even so, Erik was confused to see Charles' mother and stepfather, Raven, and another girl standing there, smiling at the camera. Charles never mentioned another sister, only Raven.

He looked at the others, seeing the girl there, smiling at Erik through the picture in a way that seemed weirdly familiar to him. It was only when he saw one of the pictures of the girl with short hair and in less feminine clothes that realization dawned on him, making his eyes widen.

_ I was wondering how long it would take you to find this room, _ Charles' voice sounded inside Erik's mind, making him jump and look away from the pictures, not knowing what to say.  _ And I guess that now you know…  _

_ That's what you meant when you said I didn't know you? _

_ Will you tell the others?, _ was Charles' answer, the voice in his head both terrified and angry. 

_ Why would I? _

_ To humiliate me. _

_ And why would I do that? _

There was silence then, and Erik could feel Charles in his head thinking and searching for something. Erik would've been angry at it if he didn't know Charles wasn't looking into the parts of his mind where he would like the telepath to stay away from. Instead, Erik just waited for something, until Charles' voice sounded in his head again.

_ Come here. _

The words were tied to a sense of where Charles was, waiting for him, and Erik obeyed. He walked again through the dark corridors until he reached the part of the house that had the lights on, getting to the rooms upstairs and finding Charles in his room, standing by the bed with curious eyes looking over Erik. They stared at each other for a moment before Erik fully entered the room and closed the door.

"How many people know about… you?" Erik dared to ask, seeing Charles sigh.

"Only Raven. Whoever knew other than her had their minds wiped." Erik raised his eyebrows at that. It was a clear threat. "And what's your opinion on the matter?"

Erik shrugged, some confusion appearing on Charles' eyes at the gesture, as if he wasn't expecting that.

"Should I have an opinion about it?"

"Usually people have  _ a lot _ of opinions."

"Well," Erik shrugged again, making Charles tilt his head. "it is a surprise, but I don't know what you want me to do. If you are expecting me to hate you and say stupid things about who you are, I'm sorry to disappoint."

Charles seemed genuinely taken aback by that, blinking a few times and opening his mouth over and over again to say something that he never ended up saying.

"That's  _ not _ how this usually goes…" he finally managed to say, his eyes now looking unsure towards Erik. "And you… You still would want… me?"

"Are you asking me if I'd still go to bed with you?" Charles' cheeks blushed at that, making Erik smile. "Yes."

It took a few moments of Charles getting himself together, as if he still wasn't sure that this was really happening, until suddenly he called Erik closer and Erik went willingly, his chest hammering in his chest as he thought that maybe that was it, that it was the moment Charles would let him touch him. When the kiss happened, Erik couldn't help the sigh that left him, pleased.

After a few seconds, Erik finally got what he wanted. Both him and Charles seemed desperate with pent up tension and frustration for the previous months where they didn't get to touch each other, and soon both of them were all hands on each other's body. Erik took that moment to pull Charles' body closer, to run his hands through Charles' back and waist, stopping at his ass to squeeze it like he had been meaning to do for a while. To his pleasure, Charles moaned against his lips as the kiss turned more heated and needy by the second.

With a lot of self control, Erik managed to break the kiss to turn Charles around and press his growing erection to Charles' ass, making both of them groan. Erik's lips didn't waste time in attacking Charles' neck, kissing the freckled skin there as his hands started to undo the buttons of Charles' shirt. He felt under his fingertips the scars under Charles' chest on both sides, letting his fingers run through them for a moment before they lowered to Charles' lower stomach. A question without words was pressed to his mind immediately, a general feeling of doubt about the scars Erik had just felt, and in response Erik pulled Charles' head to the side so he could kiss him again. There was nothing to worry about there, Erik also had his own scars, and that was what he pushed back to Charles when he noticed that he was waiting for an answer. 

If it was possible, that only made Charles get more desperate in his arms. 

Erik soon resumed his original plan, pressing his fingers to Charles' lower stomach again for a moment before he started undoing the other man's trousers, one hand slipping inside and quickly finding what he wanted. The moan Charles gave him once Erik placed two of his fingers around his clit almost made Erik lose balance. He was determined to remember that sound for the rest of his life as he worked Charles more and more, feeling the man rocking his hips slightly against his hand, seeking the pleasure he was being given.

They parted their kiss, Charles' eyes looking up at Erik with his pupils wide as he started to roll his hips back against Erik in earnest, both of them letting out soft sounds at the pleasure building up between them. He heard Charles complain as he moved his hand away from him, grinning and seeing Charles move quickly to pull Erik by his shirt and throwing him on the bed with more strength than Erik expected from him.

Erik didn't complain as Charles started to undress him, helping Charles with what he could and taking some time to rid Charles of his clothes as well. They took a moment to look at each other, and Erik saw for a moment that insecurity from before flash on Charles' eyes, making Erik pull the man closer so he could change the positions, making Charles lay on the bed with wide eyes as Erik took the sight of the other man in.

Charles had a strong frame, but was still soft in some places — which Erik fully intended on exploring later. He let his hands roam through Charles' body again, seeing the scars this time as well as feeling them and moving to the soft plane of Charles' stomach, the soft and strong thighs, his calves, then back up again, grabbing what he could of Charles' ass. The whole time, Charles watched him curiously allowing Erik his exploration, sucking in a deep breath when one of Erik's hands moved to touch between his legs. It was a soft touch, still exploratory, but Erik saw Charles tremble with it, rubbing his thumb over Charles' clit before he lowered himself on the bed and placed his lips on it.

Charles full on cried out with that, eyes almost closing as he tried to keep his eyes on Erik while he sucked on him, lips parted and redder than they normally were. It was a new experience for Erik, but at least he seemed to be doing well enough as he sucked and licked at Charles' clit if Charles' reactions were any given. He felt his cock twitching with interest as Charles started to move his hips against Erik's mouth, hand now resting on the back of Erik's head to keep him there as he gasped at the pleasure.

It was intoxicating to see Charles drowned in such pleasure, to taste him as he moved, and the idea of having Charles riding his face crossed his mind immediately. He knew that Charles got that though when he heard the other man moan and push Erik's head against him with a little more strength, his tights clenching around his face for a moment, and couldn't help smiling as he licked Charles again.

"Another time." Erik offered, getting a huffed chuckle from the telepath, who nodded before his eyes were back on Erik.

When Charles pulled him by the hair to get up on the bed and kiss him again, Erik moaned louder than he intended as Charles' hand moved to his cock, stroking it slowly with his dry hand.

They stayed at that, with only touches and kisses, for a while, until Charles moved away to get something and came back with a condom and lube, both of them now sitting on the mattress as Charles pushed the objects onto Erik's hands. Erik raised his eyebrows and Charles just shrugged, getting closer to Erik again, a spark crossing his eyes that made Erik huff out a laugh. Charles smiled back, way more relaxed now, kissing and biting at Erik's neck and shoulders as Erik tried his best to open the condom to put it on himself. It was hard with Charles making his entire body shudder like that. 

_ Faster, darling, _ Charles' voice sounded in Erik's mind just as he bit down harshly at the curve of Erik's neck and shoulder, taking a pained and pleased sound from Erik. 

It seemed like an eternity until he had the condom on, which only made him desperate enough to throw Charles to the mattress and put lube on his fingers before he was pushing them inside Charles, seeing the man widen his eyes at that and flush completely with pleasure as Erik opened him in a hurry. After a few moments, Charles seemed to become impatient, raising one of his legs to Erik's hips and pulling him closer. 

"I won't break, Erik. Get on with it." Charles' voice was breathless, and Erik laughed at the man's hurry, placing a quick kiss to Charles' lips before taking his fingers away and putting some more lube around himself for precaution before positioning his cock with his hand.

The feeling of Charles' around him, warm and tight, made Erik almost lose control, stopping his movements once he was completely inside of him to rest his head against Charles' shoulder, taking a deep breath as he heard Charles whine with pleasure as his hands explored Erik's back until they stopped on his ass, squeezing almost lovingly.

"Good?" Erik asked, proud of himself for being able to even talk normally at this point.

"Perfect." Charles answered, then quickly added, "Why are you so fucking big?"

Erik laughed at that, kissing the side of Charles' neck before raising his head to look at the man, seeing the pleasure in Charles' expression as he looked up at him in return. It would be a crime if Erik didn't kiss the other man at that moment, and so he did.

With the kiss, came the first thrust, making both of them moan as Erik started a slow pace that kept escalating as both of them became more and more heated, desperate for the movement. After so long  _ wanting, having _ was blissful for both of them.

Erik tried to last longer, to keep the moment going as he fucked into Charles in earnest, but soon there was pleasure building up inside of him, making him move faster and harder. Charles didn't seem much better, panting and occasionally moaning louder than he probably should in a house full of other people, holding onto Erik's ass as if he needed that to live. Erik watched as Charles moved one of his hands between them, fingers touching himself while Erik kept his harsh pace, and it wasn't long before Charles was throwing his head back and arching from the bed, projecting his pleasure to Erik by accident, with his walls clenching around Erik's cock so tightly that it only took Erik a few more thrusts for him to have his own orgasm, his hands moving to grasp Charles' hips tightly as he gave his final thrusts. 

As they both looked at each other, taking in their fucked out expressions, they both laughed.

Erik didn't know where the laughter came from, but he was laughing, head resting over Charles' chest and feeling it rise and fall with the telepath's laughter as he felt Charles project his giddiness at him. When they both stopped laughing, there were still smiles on their faces. 

Erik hated that he had to move, but he left the bed to clean up, handing Charles a towel for him to do the same, before he climbed onto bed again, resting his head over Charles' chest and feeling the telepath place a soft kiss to his head before his fingers were carding through his hair. It felt peaceful.

"So you really don't mind." something in Charles' voice made it sound as if he was only now accepting it, and Erik smiled a little bit, placing a kiss to Charles' chest. "You keep surprising me, Erik Lehnsherr."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Erik said, voice tired now. "And no, I don't mind. You're a man, aren't you? That's what counts for me."

He felt Charles' hand pull him tighter against himself, and felt something flare up in Charles' mind — his telepathy still not one hundred percent under control yet. It was a strong feeling that Erik couldn't really name, but it was good, and it made Erik's chest warm.

He ended up sleeping on the telepath's bed, with Charles' arms around him and the smell of Charles surrounding him, keeping him calm and making him wonder for the first time in his life what his life would be like if he decided to stay there. To stay with Charles. 

For a moment, nothing in the world could hurt them.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Whoever sent in this prompt, thank you. I have been meaning to write trans Charles Xavier for a while but I never had any good ideas and I never clicked Claim so fast than when I saw the prompt. This is, by the way, writen by a transmasc non-binary 🤝 Hope you liked this!


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